SheSpoke and She'sFull (Part Une)

So maybe my experience wasn’t like everyone else’s. How often I find that is the case as I meet with other sisters in Christ. But what I experienced was a deep joy straight from the throne of God that couldn’t be found elsewhere. God met me in the quiet of my hotel room and the prayer room, where He gave me peace.

You see, the past 4 weeks have been a flurry of activity for me. Scraping up words to meet deadlines, kids going back to year-round school after summer break, and of course the pressure of feeling like not getting a contract offer would be the end of the world. I was haggard, tired, and under such intense spiritual attack that I could not think straight anymore. By the time I got on the first plane on Thursday morning, I was beyond a basket case. My private time with God felt –if nothing else- removed. I was questioning everything. And I was a wreck.

So it was no surprise that the enemy had an attack up his sleeve as I boarded that first plane. I was sitting next to a fellow who desperately needed Jesus- and a muzzle. He talked the ENTIRE trip, and as I silently was praying for him to come down with instant laryngitis, God answered my prayer with this. “Give it away.”

Not wanting to be the girl who was disobedient to God right before this big trip, I sat there listening to this man’s financial portfolio, graphic descriptions of every surgery he had had since 1962, complete with scar showing for proof, and a slew of other stories. I listened. And as it turns out, I was really glad I did. At the end of the trip, I gave him my business card, and he saw that I was a Christian. I hope that it impacted the way he feels about a woman of faith. Even if she is a size 14 which he considered “HUGE.”

The next flight can only be described as breathtaking. Once we were finally up in the air, I pulled out my MP3 player. As I gazed over the clouds that were billowy and massive, Nichole Nordeman and I asked God if He was “Small Enough” to hear us now. Then came Casting Crowns singing “Your Love is Extravagant.” And finally, the feeling of being removed from His presence came tumbling down, and He was right there with me: holding my heart in the middle of the sky somewhere between Cincinnati and Charlotte. The tears fell, and I was oddly at peace.

As I got to the obviously posh and fancy hotel, I felt the enemy trying to pull out all the stops now. He was going crazy trying to make me follow suit. But after such a precious hour and 20 minutes doing nothing but sitting in my Jesus’ lap, I would have no part of it.

“Look how fancy this place is! You are sticking out like a sore thumb!”

God has purposed for me to be standing right here, fitting in or not. I stand on HIS promises, and I shall not be moved.

“Look at all these other women! You are going to get lost in the shuffle! No one will know who you are!”

My identity is not in myself but in Christ, for I am part of His Holy nation, and HIS fame is declared across the universe.

“You have no idea what you are going to say when it’s time for the book publisher and agent meetings. You are going to sound like an idiot!”

Get behind me Satan, for God will fill my lips with His praise, and He will uphold me in the presence of my enemies (that would be you, mister) and HE WILL ANOINT MY HEAD WITH OIL!!!!

On Friday morning, as I prepared for the worship, preconference seminars, and my 2 publisher meetings, I will admit that my mind was empty. I knew what I was supposed to say, but nothing was flowing. And in my weakness, I prayed. Constantly. I kept my eyes fixed on Him, and not the fear that was attempting to run through my veins.

As I got ready for the day, I stepped outside to see North Carolina’s beauty in the morning sun. And I will admit that I asked God for a little writing on the wall. Just something to calm my nerves and let me know I was in the palm of His scarred hand even still.

And that was when I saw it. On the side of the hotel, scratched on the brick. The Number 66. Immediately my heart lept, and I raced inside to see what Psalm 66 would tell me. This is what it says.

“Shout with joy to God, all the earth! Sing the glory of his name; make his praise glorious! Say to God, "How awesome are your deeds! So great is your power that your enemies cringe before you. Come and see what God has done, how awesome his works in man's behalf! Praise our God, O peoples, let the sound of his praise be heard; he has preserved our lives and kept our feet from slipping. Come and listen, all you who fear God; let me tell you what he has done for me. I cried out to him with my mouth; his praise was on my tongue. If I had cherished sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened; but God has surely listened and heard my voice in prayer. Praise be to God, who has not rejected my prayer or withheld his love from me!”

At that moment, I knew that God would give me the words I needed.

I finished getting ready, ate my oatmeal in my room, and went to the prayer room with the Tracys, 2 girls that God sent to me out of my desperate need (both named Tracy, which is great because I’m terrible with names). In the prayer room, each woman was given a name of God that she could cry out. It was really no surprise to me that my name was on the paper for Jehovah-Jireh, meaning “God will provide.” Selah.

And He did!!! During my meeting, as I tried to say all the right things to the potential agent, it came out sounding like I was a crazy women let loose from the wards. I admitted I was nervous, apologized, and he told me to relax, and just talk. At that moment, God released the hounds, and who I am in Christ became apparent. My words flowed like milk and honey as I described all the things I needed to say about the humble offering of a book I was presenting. And I got an invitation to email my manuscript to the agent. The whole thing.

Now, with a light heart and full of praise, God continued to ask me to “give it away” the rest of the entire weekend. Every time I saw a need, my heart gave out of the overflowing bounty that had filled me to the measure. Not to make me look good, but because sisters in Christ NEED one another. They need to see that God can use strangers to impact their lives. Everywhere I looked- I saw need. Prayer, letters of encouragement, anything I could do, I did. I gave and it never ever ever came back empty.

To be honest, I had so much fun finding ways to bless others that I am going to have to fork over money to purchase the conference cds. And I missed a couple of sessions on Saturday too, because I felt such a peace that I overslept and didn’t wake up till after noon on Saturday! Still trying to catch up on rest and being on brain overload, I can’t remember much of what I learned at the moment. Except for this:

“Come and see what God has done, how awesome his works in (this wo)man's behalf!” Psalm 66:5